Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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