Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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