dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
