so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
