ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
