Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
