he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
