It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
