if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
