grandma shit on top of the toilet
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
