so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
