you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
