Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
