better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
