You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
