Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
