they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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