C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
