I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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