I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
