She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Randomize
