Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
