he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
