She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
When are your genitals available?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
