never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
