goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
