porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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