Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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