No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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