So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
