My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
