Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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