i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
