She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
