Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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