K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
