You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
