After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
