I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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