guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
