I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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