i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
