I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
