george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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