If i come over, it means nothing
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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