So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So. Much. Porn.
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