you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Randomize
