Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
