I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
