FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
