no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
